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I was standing at a bar and this small Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me and starts drinking a beer.
I asked him, Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?
He says No, why the fuck you ask me that? Is it because I Chinese?
No, I said, It's because you are drinking my beer, you little prick!

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2014-11-15 15:57:06 Admin   funny0 Com.
A guy went for an interview at a big IT company for the position of Computer Hacking Investigator.
The boss asked him:
- So, what makes you suitable for this job?
- Well, he replied, I hacked into your computer and invited myself to this interview.

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2014-11-15 15:32:00 Admin   Different0 Com.
Little Johnny's class is reviewing the alphabet. His teacher knows that he has an "advanced" vocabulary for his age, so she avoids calling on him. When the teacher asks for a word beginning with "A," Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher anticipates he'll say, "ass" so she calls on Mary Lou, who says "apple."
This continues because the teacher knows that Little Johnny knows a cuss word for every letter of the alphabet. Then she gets to "R." She can't think of any cuss words that begin with R, so she calls on Johnny.
He exclaims, "R is for rats -- big f**king rats, with 12-inch c**ks!"

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2013-11-26 11:01:57 demo   Kids0 Com.
Girls are like phones. We like to be held and talked too, but if you press the wrong button you will be disconnected!
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2013-11-26 10:54:25 demo   Girls0 Com.
A woman took her dog to the veterinar Doctor, she said,
- "I think my dog is dead."
The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached down and took a cat out of a box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog didn't move.
- "Yes, your dog is dead," says the doctor.
- "How much do I owe you?" the lady asks.
- "$345," says the doctor.
- "$345!!?" the lady asks.
- "Yes. $45 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."

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2013-11-07 13:53:17 demo   Doctors0 Com.
What's the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.

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2013-10-31 09:44:51 Admin   Girls0 Com.
Q: What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost after he saw her all dressed up for Halloween?
A: You look boo-tiful!

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2013-10-31 09:41:50 Admin   Halloween0 Com.
A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home. When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"I'm the Devil," she responded.
"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister."

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2013-10-31 09:38:14 demo   Halloween0 Com.
-Name?
-Abu Dalah Sarafi. 
- Sex? 
- Four times a week. 
- No, no, no? male or female? 
- Male, female? sometimes camel? 

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2013-01-07 20:48:54 demo   funny0 Com.
Two women are chatting in an office.
Woman 1: I had sex last night, did you?
Woman 2: Yes.
Woman 1: Was it good?
Woman 2: No, it was a disaster… my husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours? Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We then had an hour long session of fantastic sex and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairy tale!
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.
Husband 1: You went home to have sex last night, did you score?
Husband 2: Yes it was great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, had sex with my wife and fell asleep. Perfect! How did you go? Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there’s no dinner because the electricity was cut, I hadn’t paid the bill. Had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn’t have money for a cab. We walked home which took an hour – and when we get home I remember there is no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn’t get it up for an hour and then I couldn’t climax for another hour. After I finally did, I was so ticked off that I couldn’t fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!

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2011-01-16 14:33:31 demo   funny0 Com.
User: "My computer is running slow"
Tech Support: "How many windows do you have opened?"
User: "I'm in the basement, there aren't any windows"

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2011-01-13 20:46:31 HristinutA   funny0 Com.
I've told I shouldn't drink !! But noooo ... Just a sip, U said.
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2011-01-13 20:45:48 HristinutA   Drunkards0 Com.
I gave my wife a new watch for her birthday . . . waterproof, shockproof, unbreakable and anti-magnetic. Absolutely nothing could happen to it. She lost it.
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2011-01-13 20:44:50 HristinutA   Couples0 Com.
The following are entries to a contest by The Washington Post, in which respondents had to write a
two-line romantic poem...except that the last line had to be as un-romantic as the first line was romantic.

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife;
Marrying you screwed up my life.
2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.
5. I thought that I could love no other
that is, until I met your brother.
6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
7. I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "Go to hell."
11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

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2011-01-13 20:43:46 HristinutA   Couples0 Com.
Dear Superman,
At least my weakness isn't a rock!
Sincerely, Batman!

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2011-01-13 20:39:28 HristinutA   funny0 Com.
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